Kids need dads, and sometimes dads need a hand, says a fatherhood specialist at
The Children’s Center in midtown Detroit.
As the facilitator of the organization’s
Fatherhood Initiative program, John Miles collaborates with other agencies, organizations, and neighborhood start-ups to wrap dads in the support they need to be more-present, more-engaged fathers.
Miles wonders, sometimes, if communities care whether every family includes an involved, caring dad. They should, he says ― because better fathers mean safer, stronger communities.
Programs can’t fix every part of a struggling father’s life. But every effort to support fatherhood means a better chance for kids to grow up emotionally healthy and physically strong.
“If you can have a supported dad in each household in your community,” he says, “that’s what makes a positive impact that continues to grow.”
Many men believe accepting help makes them weak. But a dad who seeks out help being a better father is actually strong, Miles says.
Some years ago, as a parent support partner at the Children’s Center ― which helps children with behavioral, emotional, educational, intellectual and developmental challenges ― Miles realized the center was unable to provide adult services for the parents bringing young clients to therapy sessions. He helped start the Children’s Center fatherhood program to bridge that gap.
Now, Miles taps his experience as coordinator for a
countywide fatherhood-focused collaborative to target fathers of children who receive services at The Children’s Center. Strengthening those men is one step in counteracting what the
National Fatherhood Initiative calls a father absence crisis.
Nationwide, nearly one in four children live without a biological, step, or adoptive father at home, according to U.S. Census Bureau data. Those kids face greater risk of poverty, behavior problems, teen pregnancy, obesity, and substance abuse, the
national fatherhood organization says.
The Children’s Center Fatherhood Initiative would go nowhere in its effort to strengthen dads without collaboration, Miles says.
Fathers tell Miles they struggle with money, housing, the courts, and relationships with their children’s mothers. Others just need a safe place to talk to other dads, sharing experiences and life lessons.
Monthly fatherhood conversations facilitated by the Children’s Center Fatherhood Initiative open the door for dads to talk frankly with other men who also want to be good parents. An eight-week discussion series, Wednesday Wind-Down, guides fathers to trace harmful decision-making patterns back to their roots so they can choose another, healthier path going forward.
Miles makes sure dads know about resources such as housing, child support, adult therapy, and legal support that they might not discover on their own.
Fathers name child support and the confusing legal system surrounding it as the number one barrier keeping them from connecting with their kids. Missed payments means wrangling with the intimidating court system and working longer hours for a bigger paycheck, meaning less time to spend with their children.
Miles connects dads to events where they can safely meet with court officials and attorneys to get help making payments and understanding their court case.
Information helps solve problems, Miles says. When dads told him they didn’t understand the current unemployment insurance system, he made a phone call and arranged a training opportunity to help clear up that confusion.
Miles spreads the word about Detroit Wayne Integrated Health Network-funded events like March DADness, where dads from across Wayne County feel comfortable discussing fatherhood while surrounded by TV screens displaying college basketball tournaments.
A free June forum provides keynote speakers, workshops, and round table discussions for fathers. It also boosts agency workers who hear fathers share their stories of just trying to be better dads.
When appropriate, Miles refers men to other Detroit-area fatherhood-focused groups such as
Family Assistance for Renaissance Men,
Good Fathers Only, or the
COTS Detroit Fatherhood Initiative ― groups often started by fathers determined to help other dads because they know fatherhood can be tough.
When a dad has not learned to put money away for his future, he’ll struggle to get out of financial holes like child support. But when someone steps up to teach him, the lesson will be passed along to build generational wealth, Miles says.
Fathers empowered and encouraged to be true family leaders also pass along a treasure that grows. As positive role models, strong dads steer their kids away from the risky behaviors that can endanger children and their community. A connected dad earns the respect of his kids and his community, something his children can emulate and pass along as they form families of their own, Miles says.
It all starts with fathers knowing help is out there ― and that it’s OK to ask for it, he says.
Nobody’s perfect, but, with a community willing to lend its support, Miles says, every father can be “a good-as-you-can-get dad.”
This story is part of our Nonprofit Journal Project, an initiative focused on nonprofit leaders and programs across Metro Detroit. This series is made possible with the generous support of our partners, the Ralph C. Wilson Jr. Foundation, Michigan Nonprofit Association and Co.act Detroit.